The Napoli Mystery is Solved

Not to boost my own ego, but back on November 12 I had a very interesting thought regarding the risk of signing Mike Napoli.  Let's hop in the time machine and take a look at this stroke of genius:

...but it should also be noted that Texas refused to give Napoli a qualifying offer for $13 million a year before he hits the free agent market -- and Texas was ready to talk with David Ortiz if he went to free agency, and they still intend to give Josh Hamilton the boot.  So it's not like Texas doesn't need a big bat or two in their lineup, so why are they willing to let Napoli walk without even the possibility of getting a draft pick for compensation?  Are they that afraid of Napoli actually staying there another year?  Very odd.

Odd indeed.  We've been told by the Red Sox front office, their dutiful PR arms in the Boston media, and bloggers that Mike Napoli was the best option for the Red Sox because signing him wouldn't burn a draft pick; as opposed to signing Swisher or LaRoche where the Sox would have lost a draft pick.  But the only reason why Napoli didn't come with draft pick strings attached is because Texas didn't even give him a qualifying offer.  At the end of the 2012 season, instead of trying to sign this supposedly-prized free agent, Texas opened the door and told Napoli to GTFO.

Besides myself, nobody else found this to be strange.  This is probably because I'm a fucking genius and everyone else was earning a +2.00 WAR for their heightened masturbating abilities when they considered all of those gaudy Sabermetrics that Napoli would create playing 81 games a year at Fenway.  Hey, not everybody can be as fucking awesome as me.

I also have two good hips, which is something Napoli should be jealous of.

Rosenthal indicates the Boston physical revealed a problem with one of Napoli's hips, and it was this hip problem that made Seattle leery of signing him, and may have contributed to the Rangers' reluctance to tender a qualifying offer.

I'll try not to be smug.  Hah, just kidding -- fuck everyone who shoved this so fucking prized free agent down our throats without looking at all the facts.

Right now, Mike Napoli is "still technically a free agent".  It's time for the Red Sox to adopt the wisdom of Texas's front office, cut the bait, and toss this whale back into the ocean.